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INTIMACY

I think we all know that a LOT happens between meeting someone and having sex with them but HOW FAR IS TOO FAR?! Well take a look at the list below and try and figure out how far you SHOULD go.

9 Steps of Intimacy

• 1. Hugging
• 2. Holding Hands
• 3. Closed Mouth Kissing
• 4. Open Mouth Kissing (French kissing or kissing with tongue)
• 5. Caressing/ Touching (Groping over clothes)
• 6. Anytime Clothes Come Off
• 7. Genital Touching (Touching private parts)
• 8. Oral Sex (Anytime someone’s mouth touches another person’s private parts)
• 9. Sexual Intercourse

We are all at different ages and places in our relationships which play a role in which boundary is good for us but there are some basic things that will help you find the one that is right for you.

First you need to find an adult that you can talk to about these boundaries. Your parents are the BEST people to go to b/c they care about you and believe it or not they were a teenager once too. But if your parents are unable to talk to you, then find an adult that you can trust who can give you advice and hold you accountable to the boundary that you do set.

Also, one of the best rules in setting boundaries is when you start asking yourself “Is this too far”…it probably is! DON’T PUSH THE LIMITS! I mean if you were standing on a cliff would you keep inching out on the ledge…NO! It is the same with these steps…the farther you go down the list, the faster they go.

Finally, we know that you are at HIGH risk for STDs at #7 to #9 b/c you can just as easily get some STDs by genital touching as you can with sexual intercourse. So an easy rule is…KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON! If you follow this one rule then you don’t have to worry about pregnancy or STDs. THAT’S A PRETTY SAFE RULE!

But you also have to realize that if you have decided not to go past step #5 until you get married…should you really be at step #4 when you are in jr. high… Do you think that #4 is going to still be enough for you when you are 21 and not married yet?! I doubt it! So set your boundaries so that you can move down the list as you get older and still not put yourself at risk.

WHAT IF IT IS TOO LATE?!

Some of you may be thinking…Jennifer, that’s great but I have already gone too far. Well, then all you have to do is RESET your boundary! It isn’t easy to stop doing something but is it possible? Of course! Even if you have already lost your virginity, you can still have what’s called SECONDARY VIRGINITY. All you have to do is to decide that from this day forward you are going to set your boundary and wait to have sex again until you get married. We can’t change our past but we can CHANGE OUR FUTURE! So, just know that it is NEVER TOO LATE!.