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STEPS TO RAISING ABSTINET TEENS

Did you miss some of the notes at a Got Kids, Get Facts Seminar or just want to share them with a friend?! Not a problem…here are the Steps to Raising Abstinent Teens.

Step 1:  Help Them Understand the Risks

• Young people want real reasons why they should avoid harmful behavior.  They want the facts.
• Break down your teens’ misconceptions about STDs, pregnancy, “safe sex”, etc.
• Reinforce don’t depend on sex education programs.

Step 2:  Don’t Fall into the “Not my Kid” Trap!

• Most parents assume that these stats couldn’t be for their child…but someone must be wrong!
• Never ASSUME that your child is or isn’t sexually active.  (Also, never Accuse.)
• Remember they are Teenagers!
• Don’t belittle their hurts and concerns.
• The brain is not developed until age 25.  Teenagers need your guidance. 
• National Poll Results:
• “Do you have a secret about your sex life that you’d never tell your parents?”
• 1 in 11 14 yo Said YES
• 1 in 8 15 yo
• 1 in 5 16 yo
• 1 in 3 17 yo
• National Poll results: 
• “Do you know a teen who has had sex at home while their parents were in the house?
• 24% of 14 yo Said YES
• 42% of 15 yo
• 42% of 16 yo
• 60% of 17 yo

Step 3:  Be the Parent!

• Teens report that their parents are the most influential factor in their decision-making.  80% of the teens said their decisions about sex were related to what their parents had told them and what their parents thought. 
• Let your child know that you BELIEVE they can do it!
• TALK, even if your teen says they don’t want to.  (They really do want to know…wouldn’t you rather it be from you?)  It is not just one “BIG TALK”.
• Spend TIME together.  Those who have dinner as a family 5x a week, are less likely to indulge in sexual activities.
• Use TEACHABLE MOMENTS!

Step 4:  Abstinent Teens Have Reasonable Rules

• You are the PARENT…you have the POWER!
• Rules without RELATIONSHIP lead to REBELLION!
• Set RULES in your child’s life:
• Curfews
• Age appropriate dating (recommended 16)
• Know where they’re going and who they’re dating
• Dress (modesty)
• Limit/Monitor movies, TV, phone calls, internet, magazines, etc.

Step 5:  GET INTO YOUR CHILD’S WOLRD!

• “Hooking up”
• FWBs (“Friends with Benefits”)
• Poll results:  About 40% of 12th graders have had sex outside of a romantic relationship
• Rainbow parties
• Chicken parties
• Smile game
• Zap
• Booty calls

• MYSPACE – KNOW THEIR PASSWORDS!

Step 6:  Help Them Set Boundaries

• If you don’t help them set a boundary, they will ASSUME it is appropriate!
• Help them set PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES!
• * 9 Steps of Intimacy
1. Hugging
2. Hand-Holding
3. Closed mouth Kissing
4. Open mouth Kissing
5. Caressing/ Touching
6. Nudity (partial to complete)
7. Mutual Masturbation/ Genital Touching
8. Oral Sex
9. Sexual Intercourse
• Oral Sex
  • 1 in 6 7th and 8th graders reported having oral sex.
  • 4 out 5 9th through 12th grade nonvirgins reported having oral sex
  • 1 in 5 virgins reported having oral sex.
  • In 1980, only 1/5 of 13 to 18 year olds reported having oral sex but in the last decade that has risen to 70% of males and 57% of females had oral sex BEFORE their fist intercourse encounter.
  • In 2000 the Kaiser Family Foundation found that 1 in 5 teens report that oral sex is “safe sex”.

Step 7:  Help Teens See the Rewards and Realize that Sex is Biblical

• Set an example in your own marriage!
• Teens want to have positive reasons for waiting. 

Organizations that have used the 180 Degrees Program